Lean Legs and Ham, by Dr. Randonneuss

I am not Sam

But Randonneur I am

That Rand-o-man

That Rand-o-man!

I do not like

that Rand-o-man

Do you like

lean legs and ham?

Will you climb

Mount Hamilton?

I do not like them,

Rand-o-man.

I do not like

lean legs and ham.

I will not climb

Mount Hamilton.

Would you climb

up Palomares?

I would not climb

up Palomares.

I would not climb

up Calaveras.

I do not like

lean legs and ham.

I do not like them,

Rand-o-man

Would you brave

the Canyon Niles?

Would you ride

so many miles?

I do not like

the Canyon Niles.

I do not like

so many miles.

I do not like them

up Palomares.

I do not like them

anywhere.

I do not like lean legs and ham.

I do not like them, Rand-o-man.

Would you climb that

big old mountain?

Would you seek that

one lone fountain?

Not that big old mountain.

Not that one lone fountain.

Not on the Canyon Niles.

Not for so many miles.

I would not climb up Palomares.

I would not climb up anywhere.

I would not climb lean legs and ham.

I do not like them, Rand-o-man.

Would you? Could you?

on a fixed gear?

Climb that! Climb that!

With your pannier.

I would not,

could not,

on a fixed gear.

You may like them.

You will see.

You may like them

on a bike of steel?

I would not on a bike of steel.

I would not, could not on a bike of steel.

Not on a fixed gear! You let me be.

I do not like that big old mountain.

I do not like that ice cold fountain

I do not like the Canyon Niles

I do not like so many miles

I do not like it up Palomares.

I do not like to climb anywhere.

I do not like lean legs and ham.

I do not like them, Rand-o-man.

Up Sierra! Up the wall!

Up Sierra! Up the wall!

Could you, would you

climb them all?

Not this perm! Not a bike of steel!

Not on a fixie! Rando, let me be!

I would not, could not, top that mountain.

I could not, would not, to that fountain.

I will not brave that Canyon Niles

I will not ride so many miles.

I will not climb that steep Sierra.

I will not endure that Palomares.

I do not like them, Rand-o-man.

Say!

In the wind?

Here in the wind!

Would you, could you, in the wind?

I would not, could not,

in the wind.

Would you, could you,

in the rain?

I would not, could not, in the rain.

Not in the wind. Not without pain,

Not on a fixie, Not on a bike of steel.

I do not like that, Rand, you see.

Not Mines. Not past the Junction.

Not up Mount Ham. Not to that fountain.

I will not climb Palomares.

I do not like climbing anywhere!

You do not like

lean legs and ham?

I do not

like them,

Rand-o-man.

Could you, would you,

without java?

I would not,

could not.

without java!

Would you, could you,

post on Strava?

I could not, would not, post on Strava.

I will not, will not, without java.

I will not climb that in the rain.

I will not climb that without pain.

Not in the wind! Not on a bike of steel!

Not on a fixie! You let me be!

I do not like that big old mountain.

I do not like that one lone fountain.

I do not like that Canyon Niles..

I do not like so many miles.

I do not like that Palomares.

I do not like that ANYWHERE!

I do not like

lean legs and ham!

I do not like them,

Rand-o-man.

You do not like them.

So you say.

Try them! Try them!

And you may.

Try them and you may say.

Rand!

If you will let me be,

I will try them.

You will see.

[12 hours later]

Say!

I like lean legs and ham!

I do!! I like them, Rand-o-man!

And I would put that climb on Strava!

And I would climb that without java

And I will climb that in the rain.

And over Mines. Despite the pain.

But a bike of carbon, not one of steel.

They are so good, so many gears!

So I will climb that big old mountain.

And I will climb up to that fountain.

And I will eat lunch at the Junction.

And I will ride so many miles.

And I will laugh at Palomares.

Say! I will ride but in REVERSE!

I do so like

lean legs and ham!

Thank you!

Thank you,

Rand-o-man

With sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss.